I’m writing today because I made a commitment to take one definitive business action everyday and report it to my business accountability partner (BAP).  She is the one who suggested the topic. 

I blame it on being a Gemini (one our traits can be ZERO follow through), but that doesn’t matter.  What matters is I am exasperatingly challenged to stick with anything for very long.  Even as I write this, it’s absolutely not true – I’ve been with my current beau for 14 years, been in the fitness industry for 25 years (10 as a traditional aerobics instructor, 20 as a personal trainer of some sort, 15 as a Nia teacher and 10 as a Pilates teacher), I keep my cars for 10 years at least.  So – OBVIOUSLY – I have some ability to stick with stuff. 

Then there is Menopause (more aptly perimenopause, since I only hit 1 year menses-free this month).  Which, unrealized by me, has been kicking my butt pretty hard for the last three years, at least, and can sap any version of ambition and drive right out of your soul.

Three weeks ago, I felt like I was finally coming up for entrepreneurial air.  Even my BAP commented on how she hadn’t seen me this sparked in the whole time we’ve been partnered (a year now).  After our session, I took one action.  Then I completely tanked – businesswise – for the next two weeks.  It’s embarrassing, depressing, confusing, frustrating, saddening, and maddening, just to name a few.

In the deepest throes of “I’m such a sh*t” and “I should just go out and get a real job,” I did one thing I know gets me out of my funk:  talk to someone else, especially if they are in need of service I can provide.  I called one of my super good friends who had been conspicuously MIA (I know when this happens she is usually up to her earballs in the selfcrap we all experience from time to time).  So I check in with her – my own agenda is to listen to someone else’s problems to get me outta of the funk of mine.

We had SUCH a great chat (hmmm, I think.  Apparently when her husband sees her crying on his end of the phone he knows she is talking to me… uhhhhhhh – she says it’s a good thing)!  AND it reminds me of how great I am at reflecting other’s greatness and humanness back to them in a completely compassionate and judgement-free way, even if they might need to get off their butts or say “see ya” to the pity party they might be in.  It also reminds me of how, when we are in the FRAY, it’s so difficult to manage our own dramas, dilemmas and crises.  It can be difficult to cut through the emotion, the brutal self pulverizing, self pounding, self walloping, the fatalism.  But this is how we help each other.  You can see for me what I can’t for myself, you can remind me that I’m just human, that mostly I’m doing really well and remind me of all I have achieved when I forget.  I am REALLY good at that for my friends and I feel blessed that I have friends that are good at it with me.

I remember – oh, right, I LOVE doing this, she feels better, I feel better, and it’s something I keep wondering if I could do as “my work” or part of “my work.”  NOW I am completely turned on after two weeks of business paralysis.  

I realize that I need to set some structure in place to move this idea forward, for better or worse – good idea or not – money maker or flop.  I know I’m skyping with my BAP the next day and think, “how might she help me?”  Of course, it’s really about me doing the work and, BAM!  I get this SCRUMPTIOUSLYtastic idea of taking a business action every day and reporting it to her.  Here are the clear and present directives: 

DEFINITVE business action (aka not just surfing for miscellaneous info)

As early in the day as I can (no waiting til 11 PM to be able to report in by midnight)

Directly moves me TOWARD producing more income through service to others

Report to my BAP daily (at least in the beginning)

A conscious choice of this project is I haven’t set any strict goals to accomplish.  I know some people are extremely motivated by goal setting, and I used to be.  But there is something different about how I live in the world now.  I’m more about “my dreams” instead of “the goals.”  Semantics, maybe, but each have very different sensations in my system.  Plus I know, by taking regular action, I’ll find the most appropriate path and have the coolest experiences — experiences I would have NEVER dreamed of.  It’s the way my life has always rolled. 😉

Today is day six of the journey and I cannot even begin to tell you how much more I’ve accomplished AND BEEN EXCITED to accomplish, just by being willing to take ONE definitive business action per day.  AND it’s washing over into the other aspects of my life (relationships, home improvement, nutrition, exercise, dog training, practicing Spanish and guitar).  It’s like, by doing the business first – getting it done – I’m eager to take on the next business task OR I’m FREE to play without any guilt.  I’m excited and curious to see how the next couple of weeks flesh out.

I’d love to hear how you ride out business paralysis, or how you don’t… it’s all good.

In loving service and lusciously definitive hugs, j

Of the drama closet…

I mastermind once a month on Wednesday night with an extremely remarkable group of women who I LOVE LOVE LOVE.  This week I asked for unblocking.  Many times I ask on Wednesday night and by Thursday morning I’ve completely forgotten my request.  This week though I’ve thought about it every day since – I am really ready for some unblocking in my life.

This morning I was on the phone with a good friend.  When she asked how I was I shared with her my desire to unblock.  She is a self proclaimed woman of drama, complete with a desire to be on the REAL Broadway (not just in her mind or emotions).  I’ve admired her ability to own her stories and I feel privileged to be witness to her journey.  All the while thinking to myself that I’m glad I don’t have that drama gene.

Except, uhmmm, I do.  But I didn’t “get” it until today – when she asked me “what if you ‘neutralize’ any stories about the blocks you say you have?”  The word “neutralize” stopped everything.  I stopped speaking.  It was like I took a breath that I couldn’t exhale.  In my mind there was this momentary void – “neutralize” – and then the TRUTH.  If I neutralize the blocks, if I neutralize my fright about unblocking, if I neutralize my stories about coming apart – then what would be the fun/point/meaning of that.  Neutralizing would be boring – and that’s when I realized I DO have an inner drama queen.

I suppose most of my friends know it, but I really didn’t.  In fact I’ve had pride around the fact that my life hasn’t had much drama – at least compared to other people I know.  In retrospect, however, I have had an adult life filled with inner mental turmoil, inner emotional upheaval and inner spiritual disruption.

My friend and I had a good long laugh about it, it’s GREAT to grow through laughter!  Plus I REALLY appreciate the new level of equalization I feel in our relationship AND the support I feel from her, the OUT drama girl, for me, the one cracking the closet door.

Thank you Universe for the gift of unblocking – y’all be careful what you ask for!

Big love and dramatic hugs,
j

Whoops, I almost forgot – I am EAGER to hear your success about opening doors and overcoming blocks in your life – please, do tell in the comments below, dramatic flair encouraged! 🙂

Joanna Byrne, Confidence and Clarity Coach extraordinaire shares her perspective on how much of our world (glory or chaos) is determined by our thoughts and how we can create change.  I’d love to hear what you think in the comments below, especially how your thoughts have gotten you into or out of trouble.

“If you want it, you got it, you just got to believe… believe in yourself.”

I’m a big believer in the concept that thoughts become things; that we create our reality from what, or how we think.

The cognitive behavioral model supports that a situation triggers thoughts, and those thoughts have consequences. These consequences are the resulting feelings we feel as a result of thinking that thought, of believing it’s a feeling that incites us to take an action.

If that’s the case, then, it seems pretty clear that we can take control of this process. Sometimes, the situation is out of our control. But our thoughts are never out of our control. We can always control what we think about, how we think about it and how long we think about it. That means, in effect, that we can impact the consequences, and therefore the resulting feelings and actions.

Now, that is pretty reassuring, isn’t it!

For example, for me, my big challenge is presentations. It’s not the content, or my ability to present that poses the problem. Rather, it’s my nerves just before it. Those nerves are dangerous because they can impact my performance. When I have to give a presentation, especially to a large group of people, I often find myself feeling nervous. So here’s what I do. I stop and check in with my thoughts. What am I thinking about this presentation that is causing me to feel this way? Usually, it’s something like “am I going to give a good enough presentation for these people?”  Here’s the juicy part. I question those thoughts. Is it really true that my presentation might not be good enough? Where is the evidence to support that thought? The fact is that I have given many presentations, mostly well received and definitely good enough. There is evidence to the contrary of my thought. So I stop it, let it go, and replace it with a truer, more helpful thought. “I have given many excellent presentations so far, and this one is good enough too.”  By changing my thoughts, I change my feelings. My nerves are dissolved and my body relaxes.  And, ultimately, the presentation goes much smoother.

You have to remind yourself constantly, that just because you think a thought, doesn’t make it true. You get to choose your thoughts. If you find yourself in a situation that’s causing you negative thoughts and feelings, then check with yourself. Ask yourself, what’s happening here, what am I thinking? Is that thought true? No? Get rid of it. Choose to let it go. If it is true, is the way you are thinking about it supporting you? Is it having a negative impact on your feelings and actions? Yes? Ok, so change it. Reframe it. Try to find a way of thinking about this situation that is more positive, lighter, more supportive of you… AND, that causes more supportive, and less negative feelings… meaning your actions are impacted positively too!

Back to Lenny Kravitz! If you want to be something, do something, have something, you have to start with yourself; the parts of you that you can impact and control. Start with your thoughts, and stop believing everything you think. Decide you want it. Believe you can do it/have it/be it. Feel the feelings that occur as a result of believing those thoughts – believing in yourself – and take action.

“If you want it, you got it, you just got to believe… believe in yourself”

Pretty inspiring stuff Lenny Kravitz. Thank you.

Joanna is a Business, Executive and Personal Coach who helps people and organizations who are stuck, lacking direction or facing change to develop their potential, build resilience, gain clarity and foster collaborative leadership environments to support growth, opportunity and creativity.  

Join her upcoming program “The Confidence Boost Project: 21 days to build confidence from the inside out” by registering at www.joannabyrnecoaching.com

This laugh brought to you by the fun folks at CompilarizTV

Laughing is contagious!  Plus a good laugh optimizes our oxygen usage, strengthens our abdominal muscles and just plain makes us feel good.

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Pose your way to better outcomes.

Have you ever heard the phrase “fake it ‘til you make it?”  Our mind can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is vividly imagined.  Amy Cuddy and her group of researchers have found that our body can do the same thing.  Try this – choose one of the power poses in the picture and hold it for 2 minutes.  The science has shown that these body positions can elevate our testosterone and decrease our cortisol.  We send a message of confidence with our stance that other people can feel and respond to.  AND we also change our own body chemistry.  You can practice the poses yourself and notice what happens to you and around you.  I’ve also included Amy Cuddy’s TED talk if you’d like to hear the juicy details.  Enjoy and here’s to getting that job, making a great speech, or nailing the sale 🙂

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Can’t think straight? Need a nap most days? Eat when you’re not especially hungry?  Eyes tired and scratchy?

These were all MY symptoms and I attributed them to various causes: staying up too late, too much junk food, various (undiagnosed) medical conditions.

Then I began a conscious campaign to hydrate.  It was rough in the beginning.  As a wellness and fitness professional I know better, but I wasn’t drinking much water.  Many days barely one or two cups.

A friend mentioned she was experimenting with about 3 quarts per day before 5 PM – that’s 12 frickin’ cups!  She planned and prepared her daily allotment first thing in the morning.  Planning – what a novel idea.  After a few false starts, I figured out that I could measure 2 cups into a favorite vessel – mine is an acrylic cup that won’t break into a thousand shards if it hits the ceramic tile or concrete.  I marked the waterline with a rubber band and put five more bands on the cup.

Each time I finished the marked amount of water I removed a band – it felt like I was checking off a “to do.” 🙂  I have to admit – I felt remarkably better even if I only drank one quart (4 cups).

Creating a new habit can be challenging and, in the spirit of transparency, I want to also admit that I have not yet finished three whole quarts in a day.  Here’s what keeps me on the plan:

My eyes feel way less scratchy and tired.  It turns out I do have a diagnosed eye condition, but it diminishes with my increased hydration.

I rarely need a nap on the days I drink at least 1 – 2 1/2 quarts.

I recognize more clearly that I’m thirsty (i.e. dehydrated), not hungry, and have been snacking much less.

I can think clearly and – BONUS – faster (in spite of my peri-menopausal brain) 😉

Have you been able to connect your body sensations to your level of hydration?  I’d love to hear about in the comments below.

Sloshy love and squishy hugs, j

Have you ever had an experience and thought – “Man! I have been here before, why is this happening to me AGAIN!?  Why do I keep attracting the same guy in a different body?  Why does each job eventually result in the same chaos?  Why is it our family gatherings devolve into the same mess time and time again?”

Well, I believe that we keep getting the same “problem” in different disguises until we finally heal, at a heart level, the deep root of that problem.  There have been plenty of times when I thought I REALLY had healed the core issue.  And WHAM!  There it is again!

Enter The Ascension Spiral.  I prefer, when I can remember to, to own (and accept and love) where I am today on the way to where I want to be.  And I prefer to do that with the most positive spin I can.  Hence “ascension” – we are on the way up, ascending into our highest selves.  Even when we are faced with one of our age old demons – again.

I invite you to consider a pattern that keeps showing up for you.  If that pattern is worsening, maybe it’s time to take it on – make a conscious decision to look at your response to what’s happening and how you might be contributing to this pattern.  This is getting on the ascension spiral – taking responsibility for your experience.   If, however, you’ve been doing conscious healing around a particular sticky point and the challenge keeps turning up, play with gathering evidence of how each time the problem has been less devastating.  This is being on the ascension spiral.  Initially it might feel like the same place, then you notice there is less pain, less fear, less disruption – and eventually more peace, more calm, more freedom.  You are ascending.

An example from my life:   the Renegotiation (aka boyfriend) and I have been in relationship for 14+ years.  In all those years he has NEVER had one issue around money – he has money, great, he doesn’t have money, great.  Same, same.  I, on the other hand, for the last 14 years (and longer) have had all kinds of issues around money… specifically the FEAR of the lack of money.  This has surfaced in our relationship in SO many ways and countless times. You could say this has spiraled around and around in our relationship.  Each time it does, gratefully, I get to a new place of peace and breathe the sigh of “finally I’m done with this.”   Next thing I know – WHAM! –  some new version is back again.

Today I feel blessed to be able to acknowledge how much I blamed him in the early days for all our money troubles, and how now I can clearly see that the drama was (and still is) mine.  Luckily, it’s just not so big anymore.   At the same time, he recognizes this money craziness I get caught up in and, instead of becoming defensive, now remembers to assure me there is always more than enough.  We have both ascended.

I’d love to hear your evidence of spiraling upward.  Please share in the comments below.

Spiraling love and ascending hugs, j

Simple & quick low back strengthener and core stabilizer

Low back pain visits about 80% of the western hemisphere population some time in their lives.  The Pilates Bridge exercise, especially when paired with November’s Fun & Free playtoy, can give nearly immediate relief to most muscularly induced lower back pain (please see a trained professional for bone induced pain).  Ellie Herman, Pilates teacher and Trainer of teachers, demonstrates a great basic bridge with clear commentary – WARNING 😉 she also demonstrates a deceptively difficult version of the Pilates Bridge as well.  Here’s the video:

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For a good portion of my early years, the “D” word meant spankings (yes, I come from that generation), and later, grounding.  Discipline was something my parents did to me and we did to our dogs when they were “bad.”  Discipline was an unpleasant word.

In my late 20s – early 30s, discipline meant nose to the grind stone, getting it done, work work work.  Discipline was something my bosses did to me.  Discipline was also counting fat grams, lifting weights, hitting the cardio.  Discipline was something my body did to me.  Discipline was an effort-filled word.

Then I started my own business.  I stopped using the “D” word.  Funny thing, even more work got done and I was much happier.  Having clients forced me to practice some of that “D,” but it was effortless, fun and rewarding.  Discipline was an invisible word.

Interesting evolution…

In the last couple of years, I’ve been feeling a shift.  I’ve been questioning myself, but I haven’t figured out the words to talk about what’s really going on.  The dialogue usually begins with – “I really should start working out more often.” Or – “if I could just do a little business and marketing every day.”  Sometimes – “just eat a little more leafy green stuff or go to bed a little earlier.”  But… “I don’t have any discipline!”  Discipline is a missing word.

A few weeks ago I was having this conversation with myself in the car, AGAIN, lamenting how I ever got anything done in the past AND how to become disciplined now!  Suddenly it hit me – I AM disciplined.  I am pretty disciplined about taking an afternoon nap every day.  I’m very disciplined at having a pint of ice cream whenever the mood hits me.  I am super disciplined at watching Big Bang Theory (syndicated and current), Parenthood, and The New Normal.  I have acres of discipline around lunch with French fries.  This list could go on for awhile.

LOVE the reframe.  With the reminder that I DO, in fact, practice many things in a disciplined way, I realized I might be able to shift the ice cream to yummy smoothies, add 15 minutes of Pilates while watching Big Bang Theory, and substitute a side salad more often at lunch.  Discipline is becoming a fun word.

What are your top three “disciplines?”  In the comments below, tell us about your relationship with the not so dirty “D” word. 😉

Great love and big hugs,
j

Truth and me?  We had a rocky start.  When I was a kid, I lied often.  I mean I’d lie even if the truth were to literally shell out cash to me.  I don’t think I’m alone in the lying as a kid thing.  I’m reading Real Love by Greg Baer, recommended by a great friend who has been looking at the truth too. Baer talks about why we might start lying as kids, for example, how “good” behavior and “right” responding gets us good stuff vs. tantrums and errors getting us time out.  Lie for the good stuff, cover up (lie about) the mistakes.  I was pretty good at lying, if all the hell my brother caught for my misdeeds is any indication. For the record, though, I also told some incredible, unbelievable doozies – like I played guitar with Eric Clapton. As. If.  I told that one before I ever learned to play guitar (lie squared – grrrrrrrrr).

The truth is:  lying is exhausting.  By the time I turned 30 I stopped.  Now in the year I’ll turn 50, I’m taking a closer look at the relationship I have with not lying and telling the truth.  For me these two are different.  Today, if you asked, I’d say that I don’t lie.  Except that I don’t always tell the whole story.  Friend:  “how are you?” Me: “good, and you?” I say good whether I truthfully am good or not.

Sometimes I’m afraid to say what I really mean or really feel.  I have this belief that there are some people who “can’t handle the truth.”  I also believe we live in a culture that supports the little white lies – it’s normal, everyone does it, it’s accepted AND expected.  But I’ve realized that the way I tend to tell the truth is as exhausting as lying, since I can be a people pleaser, crowd follower, do the right thing-er.

My fun new disclaimer is “in the spirit of transparency.”

So, in the spirit of transparency, it scares me to say out loud “if you don’t like what I say, that’s not my problem” or [even scarier and the real truth] “if you don’t like what I say, it’s your problem.”  This scares me because I don’t want to piss anyone off,  I don’t want to hurt feelings, I don’t want to lose clients, subscribers or friends or become any more estranged from family members than I already am.

Except there’s this – the truth is if you don’t like anything about me, what I write, what I say, how I frame it, whatever – that IS your problem.  My fear of your reaction doesn’t change that truth. I’m just being me on the planet – and if that is bugging you in some way, well that’s your problem, not mine.  However, I somehow want to make it mine, or at the very least tell only enough truth so you don’t unsubscribe, fire me, get mad at me, etc.  See what I mean? EXHAUSTING!

But wait – there’s more… it’s not just that I want to tell the truth – the truth is that I want to be seen. I am FINALLY ready to be seen.  As a kid, I wanted to be seen so badly that I’d make stuff up that I thought made me seem more interesting or cool or tough or whatever.  Now I just want to be seen as who I really am.  And even though I haven’t “lied” for 20 years, I don’t let many people see who I am.  In fact, there is just one person, who knows IT ALL – all the deep dark scary truths.  One is a start – that one can (and does) give me faith and courage to risk telling others the deep dark scary truths.  And the more I’m seen, the more I’m willing to tell the deep dark scary truths about me, well, this really cool thing happens –– FREEDOM.

Once there are a few who really know me – every secret, every single dark niche inside my brain, heart, and body – really SEE me– that’s where freedom rings. Freedom to be who I am without shame, without fear, without apology.  And that’s what I want – knees knocking, heart pounding, stomach lurching – freedom.

Look out 2013 – I’m about to tell my truth and let you see all of me (well maybe just a little more of me – baby steps ;)).  Let Freedom Ring!

I wanna see you, too, hear your deep, dark, scary stuff.  Please share about your relationship with truth in the comments below.

great love and big truth-filled hugs,

j