I’m coming out

Of the drama closet…

I mastermind once a month on Wednesday night with an extremely remarkable group of women who I LOVE LOVE LOVE.  This week I asked for unblocking.  Many times I ask on Wednesday night and by Thursday morning I’ve completely forgotten my request.  This week though I’ve thought about it every day since – I am really ready for some unblocking in my life.

This morning I was on the phone with a good friend.  When she asked how I was I shared with her my desire to unblock.  She is a self proclaimed woman of drama, complete with a desire to be on the REAL Broadway (not just in her mind or emotions).  I’ve admired her ability to own her stories and I feel privileged to be witness to her journey.  All the while thinking to myself that I’m glad I don’t have that drama gene.

Except, uhmmm, I do.  But I didn’t “get” it until today – when she asked me “what if you ‘neutralize’ any stories about the blocks you say you have?”  The word “neutralize” stopped everything.  I stopped speaking.  It was like I took a breath that I couldn’t exhale.  In my mind there was this momentary void – “neutralize” – and then the TRUTH.  If I neutralize the blocks, if I neutralize my fright about unblocking, if I neutralize my stories about coming apart – then what would be the fun/point/meaning of that.  Neutralizing would be boring – and that’s when I realized I DO have an inner drama queen.

I suppose most of my friends know it, but I really didn’t.  In fact I’ve had pride around the fact that my life hasn’t had much drama – at least compared to other people I know.  In retrospect, however, I have had an adult life filled with inner mental turmoil, inner emotional upheaval and inner spiritual disruption.

My friend and I had a good long laugh about it, it’s GREAT to grow through laughter!  Plus I REALLY appreciate the new level of equalization I feel in our relationship AND the support I feel from her, the OUT drama girl, for me, the one cracking the closet door.

Thank you Universe for the gift of unblocking – y’all be careful what you ask for!

Big love and dramatic hugs,

Whoops, I almost forgot – I am EAGER to hear your success about opening doors and overcoming blocks in your life – please, do tell in the comments below, dramatic flair encouraged! 🙂

Borrowing the good stuff from Lenny Kravitz

Joanna Byrne, Confidence and Clarity Coach extraordinaire shares her perspective on how much of our world (glory or chaos) is determined by our thoughts and how we can create change.  I’d love to hear what you think in the comments below, especially how your thoughts have gotten you into or out of trouble.

“If you want it, you got it, you just got to believe… believe in yourself.”

I’m a big believer in the concept that thoughts become things; that we create our reality from what, or how we think.

The cognitive behavioral model supports that a situation triggers thoughts, and those thoughts have consequences. These consequences are the resulting feelings we feel as a result of thinking that thought, of believing it’s a feeling that incites us to take an action.

If that’s the case, then, it seems pretty clear that we can take control of this process. Sometimes, the situation is out of our control. But our thoughts are never out of our control. We can always control what we think about, how we think about it and how long we think about it. That means, in effect, that we can impact the consequences, and therefore the resulting feelings and actions.

Now, that is pretty reassuring, isn’t it!

For example, for me, my big challenge is presentations. It’s not the content, or my ability to present that poses the problem. Rather, it’s my nerves just before it. Those nerves are dangerous because they can impact my performance. When I have to give a presentation, especially to a large group of people, I often find myself feeling nervous. So here’s what I do. I stop and check in with my thoughts. What am I thinking about this presentation that is causing me to feel this way? Usually, it’s something like “am I going to give a good enough presentation for these people?”  Here’s the juicy part. I question those thoughts. Is it really true that my presentation might not be good enough? Where is the evidence to support that thought? The fact is that I have given many presentations, mostly well received and definitely good enough. There is evidence to the contrary of my thought. So I stop it, let it go, and replace it with a truer, more helpful thought. “I have given many excellent presentations so far, and this one is good enough too.”  By changing my thoughts, I change my feelings. My nerves are dissolved and my body relaxes.  And, ultimately, the presentation goes much smoother.

You have to remind yourself constantly, that just because you think a thought, doesn’t make it true. You get to choose your thoughts. If you find yourself in a situation that’s causing you negative thoughts and feelings, then check with yourself. Ask yourself, what’s happening here, what am I thinking? Is that thought true? No? Get rid of it. Choose to let it go. If it is true, is the way you are thinking about it supporting you? Is it having a negative impact on your feelings and actions? Yes? Ok, so change it. Reframe it. Try to find a way of thinking about this situation that is more positive, lighter, more supportive of you… AND, that causes more supportive, and less negative feelings… meaning your actions are impacted positively too!

Back to Lenny Kravitz! If you want to be something, do something, have something, you have to start with yourself; the parts of you that you can impact and control. Start with your thoughts, and stop believing everything you think. Decide you want it. Believe you can do it/have it/be it. Feel the feelings that occur as a result of believing those thoughts – believing in yourself – and take action.

“If you want it, you got it, you just got to believe… believe in yourself”

Pretty inspiring stuff Lenny Kravitz. Thank you.

Joanna is a Business, Executive and Personal Coach who helps people and organizations who are stuck, lacking direction or facing change to develop their potential, build resilience, gain clarity and foster collaborative leadership environments to support growth, opportunity and creativity.  

Join her upcoming program “The Confidence Boost Project: 21 days to build confidence from the inside out” by registering at www.joannabyrnecoaching.com

Fun & Free March 2013

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